Shakes Evicted – 6 May 2014

Posted: May 6, 2014 in Dialog, Prose
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,




6 May 2014

I arrived at the park to a bunch of waving hands.

Jacques handed me a newspaper to sit on. Wolf handed me a blanket. “Here,” he said, “This is better. It’s on loan from Shaggy. She’ll tell you when she want’s it back.”

“Thanks Jacques. Thanks, Wolf.”

“Hi, Dennis, I haven’t seen you all winter,”  said Shakes.

“How are you Shakes?”

“I got evicted from my apartment.”

“What was the problem?”

Little Jake said, “He had a seizure in the hallway, going to his apartment.”

I asked, “What kind of seizure, Shakes?”

“Dennis,” replied Shakes, “are you sure you’re all there?”

Little Jake said, “In the meanwhile, he’s couch surfing.”

I asked, “Is he staying at your place?”

“Yeah, for now.”

“How are you, Dennis?” asked an attractive woman.

“Hi, your name is Michelle, right?”

“Dennis, it’s Loretta, I have my new dentures.”

“You look beautiful. How do they feel?”

“A bit weird.” That was attested to by the number of times she removed and replaced them. It seemed like a complete personality change.

“Dennis,” said Wolf, “I want to tell you about my weekend. I can’t talk to any of these people. Jacques got his diploma in Quebec, so he’s no use.  I told you before that I go to my Tim Horton’s on Sunday. Well, this weekend I went on Saturday. I just had a craving. Usually I buy my Boston Creams, which I did, but now they got these new ones called Canadian Maple. They have goop in them like the Boston Creams, but the goop is maple, so I bought two of those.  Then I got  an Apple fritter and one of the shiny ones with strawberry goop in it. All together I had six donuts. It was a real mess.

“I didn’t eat them all there. I brought some with me when I went to a dummy dust party, but it wasn’t in my apartment. I know better than that. Gnome was there, he was wasted, so I brought him home, put him to bed and tucked him in. A while later some ladies came down. Gnome wanted to join in, but I said, ‘No.’ He threw a temper tantrum and started banging his feet on the floor. I don’t have anybody living below me, but just the same, there’s only so much I can take. I threw him out. He was wearing my Montreal sweater; I lent it to him for the party. I asked for it back. He said, ‘No.’

“Now, maybe a better man would have decked him and took the sweater, but that’s not me. I believe in a society —  there’s  a word I’m trying to think of… I’ve got it. I believe in a civilized society — that’s the word — where we don’t just go around beating people. Anyway, he stormed out. That was my weekend. That’s all I’ve got to say.”

Jacques rooted in his sports bag and pulled out a plastic tray. I asked, “What are you serving, Jacques?”

He said, “Dice, I got a brand new set of six. Who’s in?”  Wolf, Shakes, Mariah and Jacques indicated that they wanted to play. Mariah took part of Jacques newspaper and drew four columns.

I asked Jake, “What are they playing?”

“It’s called ten thousand. That’s how many points you need to win the game. The hard part is to get started. To get on the table you need to score a thousand points or more. Fives are worth fifty, ones, a hundred; three of a kind are worth 100 points times the number rolled; except for three ones which are worth 1000 points;  a straight from one to six is worth fifteen hundred. One time Jacques and I finished a game with about four rolls each, but we were really lucky.

‘Here comes Little Chester. I can tell he’s drunk by the way he’s limping. He only limps when he’s drunk.”

Jacques said, “Hi Chester. Keep walking, Chester.”

Wolf yelled, “The Germans and the ladies are winning!

“I’ve got an announcement to make. My birthday is coming up on May eleventh, the same day as Mother’s Day. Every so often my birthday falls on May eleventh and this is one of those years. Anyway, I’m sending out invitations to a party at my place, so bring presents.”

  1. riselikeair says:

    We play that game often, and I believe from now on, this story will always come to mind.


  2. Baseball Dice(2)

    2 homerun
    3 triple play
    4 walk
    5 single
    6,7,8 out
    9 single
    10 double
    11 triple
    12 home run

    Used to draw diamond on side walk with rock and use pennies and move as base runners.


  3. Mary McAvoy says:

    Hi Dennis,
    I read nearly all your posts. Sometimes what I read is too much for me, emotionally – I think because much of what you write is too familiar. “There but for the grace of God” would still be some of those I love – lost in the fringe of society. And one remains teetering in the periphery, just beyond the edge of a safety-net. I don’t ever “like” your posts because to click “Like” just doesn’t seem appropriate, kind of as if to do so would be to approve of the aspect of our culture that you so well depict. If this sounds judgmental, it is. But not of those about whom you write. It’s judgmental of societies that allow some of the brightest minds and most compassionate hearts (and greatest senses of humor) to live in neglect. Thanks for your writing. Mary


    • Hi Mary, I know what you mean. As much as I enjoy the company of my street friends, whenever I’m with them I’m reminded that none of them will be around much longer. I have attended too many funerals, and seen too many empty spaces already. I love your photography. ~ Dennis


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