Archive for May 30, 2014




29 May 2014

“Hi, Dennis,” said Little Chester, ” it’s an honor to see you. Do you have any of those Tim Horton cards?  How about bus tickets, do you have any of those?”

“Sorry Chester, I’m all out.”

“Here’s a cushion, Dennis,” said Jacques.

“Thanks, how are you today?

“Okay, my check should be in the mail today. Last night the fire engines came to our building at about four in the morning. I sniffed the air in my apartment. Stuck my head out the door to the hallway.  I could smell something, but not much, so I put my earphones back in and went to sleep. The apartments are all concrete. If a guy came home drunk, started cooking something on the stove, then fell asleep, it might cause a fire, but it would all be contained in the one apartment.

“Look what I found yesterday. It’s a case to carry my pot pipe and my lighter.”

Mariah said, “It looks like the case for one of those electric shavers, or clippers. It’s a good, solid case.”

Jacques pulled a tall can of Old Milwaukee out of his canvas bag.”

Chester said, “Jacques, I see you’ve got a beer.”

Jacques said to me, “See the cut I got on my thumb. I did something really stupid yesterday. I was cutting the side handles off my bag, because I only use the shoulder strap and the others get in the way. The knife slipped. It cut really deep. I put Polysporin and a band aid on it last night. When I woke up this morning it was bleeding. I put another band aid over top. I took my cans back to the beer store and it started bleeding again, I thought, Oh, no, they’re not going to serve me, I got blood on one of the cans. That’s what happened to me at the liquor store one day. I had a cut that started bleeding on the counter and the guy jumped back. He said, ‘This cash is closed.  We need to disinfect.’ I guess he thought that maybe I have HIV. He didn’t know.”

Chester said, “Jacques, can I have a beer?” Jacques poured his beer into a red drinking bottle. Took the can, twisted it, crushed it between the palms of his hands, then put it in his bag.”

Chester said, “I got a watch. I found it on the day of the marathon. That reminds me, the government owes me some money. I should go see them about it.”

Mariah said, “Maybe you should wait until sometime when you’re sober, before you try to do that. It might go better for you,” She passed Jacques an empty vodka bottle. He put it in his bag.

Jacques said, “What do you mean when he gets sober. Don’t you mean if he gets sober?”

Gnome stopped by and said, “This is Wolf’s court date. Does anybody know how it went for him?”

Jacques said, “I hope that he remembered to go.”

Chili said, “I got some good news. My hip operation is going to be scheduled for November at the latest.”

Mariah said, “That’s good, sometimes they’ll have a cancellation and will be able to take you early.”

“I hope so. I’m really having trouble walking. I can’t sit down properly either. I have to keep my leg straight.

Chili said, “I’m going to meet someone downtown so I’ll see you guys.”

I said, “Bye Chili. I’ll  I have to leave also. Will everybody be back tomorrow?”

Jacques said, “I don’t know. It being my check day and all. I’m going to check the flyers and make my grocery list. I got a flyer from Target. What’s Target, what do they sell?”

Mariah said, “It’s just like Wal-Mart, but not as good.”

Chili said, I go to my Independent Grocer on Mondays and pick up their flyers for the week. For clothes I like to go to Winners, or Value Village.”

I said, “I buy nearly all my clothes from Value Village. Everything I’m wearing is from there.”

Mariah said, “That’s a nice shirt.”

“I think I paid five bucks for it, a couple of years ago. For the pants, I may have paid seven. As you can see, they’re due to be replaced.”

Take care, Mariah, Jacques.”

Wolf said, “Maybe, I see you tomorrow”

“Bye, Dennis,” said Mariah. “I’ll probably be here.”

I waved and walked down the sidewalk.





29 May 2014

“Good morning, Chuck, how are you today?

“Well, you know my life is a series of ups and downs. Today’s been a real downer. For one thing I’ve only seen two nice asses all morning. I sat here all winter when the female population was wearing pants and long coats, then we get Spring, the coats come off and, OH MY GOD, women have legs.

“I told you about the problem I’m having with my satellite dish. I thought that was settled, but I got my last bill and there’s an outstanding amount that I’ve already paid. I got a phone call from this guy, he had a heavy foreign accent and said his name was Jock. He went on to ask when I was going to pay the money I owed. I said, ‘First of all your name’s not, Jock, it’s asshole.’ All this collection stuff is outsourced to other countries. How is he going to fix my problem when we’re not even in the same country?  I said to him, ‘Second, I don’t owe that money and I have the records to prove it.’ He said, ‘No, you don’t.’ I said, ‘Yes I do, I’ve got them right here in front of me. If you want to take me to court, go ahead. We’ll see how far that gets you. You’ll not only lose money on my satellite service, but my landline and my mobile as well. So, do your worst, cocksucker.’ With that I slammed the phone down.

“A lot of women don’t approve of what I do. They think I’m demeaning myself, but I’ve got no choice, because of my health. If I didn’t need to do this, you can bet that I’d just as soon stay home, or visit with my friends.

“I remember when Jody used to stop by here, she was a prostitute, a cute little thing. She was around here for about a year before they made her move to another area, near the strip clubs. You remember, in 1996  the courts decided that being topless is not  a sexual act, or indecent, because it’s not commercial. It doesn’t apply to prostitutes. Jody tried to test the law, or didn’t understand it, and went topless. She was charged and served three months.

“I’ve known a lot of hookers. They stop and talk to me. We’re both, in a sense, killing time here, it can get boring. If I was in a bar — this was before I stopped drinking — they’d buy me a drink, or I’d buy them one. I was never a client, I never paid for it, but I’ve had sex with one or two of them. They like to have some fun sex as well as the next person. It’s not just a job to them.

I said, “I think they should legalize prostitution. It would make more sense. They’re never going to eliminate it, and it would be a lot safer.”

“The problem with that is, the pretty ones would all get jobs with the high-class escort services, and make a bundle of money. The ones that aren’t so pretty, who are getting older, or are on drugs are still going to work the streets. If they’re crack addicts, they’ll do you for twenty bucks, but they’re carrying all sorts of diseases. The way you can tell whether or not a prostitute is clean is if she thoroughly examines your dick. That shows she’s careful.  If she doesn’t  she’ll fuck anyone, clean or not. You never know what you’ll come away with. The ones I’ve had, I didn’t even use a safe. I knew I was taking a risk. There are no guarantees, but we were friends, so I kept my fingers crossed.

Moneywise, I’ve had a good week. I told you about my regular guy who drops me a twenty. I hadn’t seen him for a few weeks, so I figured he was taking a different route, maybe giving the money to somebody else. I’ve got no problem with that. Other people are in need.  He’s been by three days in the last four. It makes it worthwhile coming down here.

“Did I tell you what I’ve decided about my wheelchair? The cost of replacing it with a new one is ten thousand dollars. For the same price I can buy a Nissan Micra electric car. I have some money put aside, and a friend will lend me the rest. I’d pay him back fifty dollars a month.  If I die, he sells the car for whatever he can get. I’d have something that’s warm in winter. There’d be room for Goldie and groceries. I wouldn’t have the problems I have now  with snow drifts. I think it’s a good idea.

“That sounds great, Chuck. I have to go. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“We’ll see, it depends on the weather. Take care and thanks.”