Archive for July 10, 2014

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10 July 2014

As I approached Chuck this morning, I saw a female police officer standing in front of him with her leather-bound pad open. I passed him and stood around the corner. I heard her say, “Someone reported that your dog ran out and was obstructing pedestrian traffic.” After she left I asked, “What was that about, Chuck?”

“Nothing really, she said that I had been reported, but maybe she just saw me as she was driving by and wanted to know who I was. I told her my name and where I lived. I was friendly with her. Goldie had run after a seeing eye dog, but it was only for a few seconds. She’s on a leash and she’s a service dog. They just like to keep track of the panhandlers. Some say it’s aggressive panhandling if a person is holding their hat out. One woman told me that I was being aggressive because I was talking with someone. I said, ‘They approached me and started talking.’ This cop was okay, she didn’t give me a ticket.

“Last night I ran into a real weirdo. I don’t know if it was a he, a she or an it. I’ve got nothing against trans gender people. I know a man who used to be a woman. I’ve got nothing against gays. There is a couple in my building who have been together twenty-seven years. We get along fine. This person, that I had the problem with, looked like a man. He was wearing a tee-shirt with a padded bra over that and a tiny, black tutu. He was riding his bicycle down the sidewalk in my direction and he said, “I’m not moving out of the way, you’ll have to.’ I said, “You overgrown cocksucker, get out of my way or I’ll run into your bike. Take your pick.’ He moved.

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At noon I sat with Curt, Wolf and Jacques, who was passing around his pot pipe. Curt took a toke and started coughing. He had a hard time catching his breath. He explained, “I’ve had problems with my lungs ever since I was a kid. It’s because of bronchitis. Sometimes, I cough so hard that I pass out (the medical term is cough syncope). When I was at Shark’s place it started happening, I got the shakes and my arms started twitching, then I was able to catch my breath and I was fine. Once, I pissed and shit myself, the coughing was so bad. Sometimes, I nearly puke. I guess it’s been about three years since I’ve gone down.

“Twice I’ve drunk myself blind with gin and vodka. It was at my sister’s wedding. Can you imagine, having a wedding the same day as the Super Bowl? All the guys were watching the game, except me. I’m not a football fan, so I was drinking with the ladies. It was a free bar. I started drinking vodka with orange juice. Then it got to be a full glass of vodka with a splash of orange juice. The women kept hauling me up to dance. Maybe, they were trying to get me sober. I don’t know. I’d get up, shuffle a bit, wave my arms around. Anyway, it was like I was looking through a thick fog. I remember one time during the night, my mother said to me, ‘If you’re looking for the bar, it’s thirteen steps to your right.’  The next morning I had a massive hangover. My head was like a drum — ba ba ba BOOM, ba ba ba BOOM, ba ba ba BOOM. I was sleeping in the same room as my nephew. I woke up early and was trying to roll a joint. My nephew asked, “What are you doing?’ I said, ‘Shut up and go back to sleep.’

Wolf was saying, “I remember being asked a question at one of the many rehab programs I’ve been in. Anyway, the question was, ‘What gets into your system faster, injecting, smashing coke into your arm or smoking it as crack. I answered, injecting. I was wrong. You get a faster high with smoke. Who’d of guessed?”

He was excited about Germany beating Brazil in the FIFA World Cup. “Can you imagine, 7 – 1 for Germany.  I wouldn’t want to be a Brazilian soccer player now, they’re ready to run the team out of the country. I’m not a big soccer fan, usually I just watch the last half of each game, but I want to see Europe defeat South America. See, I’ve got my German flag attached to Shaggy’s caboose.

He continued, “When I was nineteen, and you were nineteen, all we wanted was to get laid. When my father was nineteen he was carrying a gun for the German army. We lost the war. Our black, red and white  flag was dragged through the shit; now it’s black  red and yellow. They made us change it.

“I nearly got beat up by Outcast last night. We were sitting outside. Shaggy was off her leash, because it was at her place. There were two other dogs on leashes, a Schnauzer and a  Dachshund — a wiener dog. Anyway, the owner of the Schnauzer walked into Shaggy’s space and she went after the other dog. It was a stupid thing for the owner to do. The dogs were rolling about, like dogs do, then Outcast tried to separate them. His hand got bitten and he was dripping a lot of blood. He blamed me and was ready to fight. I was glad that Hippo was there. He brought out his hatchet. Outcast settled down after that. I don’t know if it was Shaggy or the Schnauzer that bit him — or maybe both did. The wiener dog didn’t do anything.”