Archive for August 23, 2014




22 August 2014

“Good morning, Chuck”

“Jeez you scared me. I didn’t see you sneaking up. I guess I had my mind on something else. Now, I can’t even remember what that was. Memory is a funny thing. When I left this morning I don’t remember unplugging my chair. If I didn’t, I may have trouble getting home. It’s showing five bars, that’s a full charge. I’m hoping to go to lunch with a friend, but if it even drops one bar, I’m going to have to cancel.

“I guess you’ve heard about the guy driving an RV while his wife was sleeping in back. He stopped at a gas station. She got out to use the bathroom. He drove away thinking she was still in back. The police stopped him three hours later and asked him, ‘Did you forget something?’ The man said, ‘No, I don’t think so.’ The cop said, ‘Where’s your wife?’ The man checked in the back. It was then he realized that he’d left her behind.

“Usually I’d like to forget my ex-wife. Towards the end of the month she comes looking for me at the mall, hoping to borrow five or ten bucks. I’ve learned go somewhere else on those days.

“I’ve noticed that a lot of my regulars haven’t been around. I guess they’re on holidays. You know, I’ve never really been on a holiday in my life. Never the money for it. I shouldn’t say that, once I went to Quebec City and once I went to Moose Factory. My sister was a head nurse up there for a long time. They don’t sell liquor up there, so I remember packing twenty-four beer, a half-dozen fortys of rum and a bunch of mickeys in my luggage. I met my niece and brother-in-law at the train. We left my niece at our seats to guard the luggage, My brother-in-law and I headed to the club car.I remember having to change trains twice, once at North Bay and Cochrane. When we got to Moosonee we had to walk the last few miles to Moose Factory. I guess I was there about three months. My brother played in a small band. I’d been going out with a beautiful native woman. I was at the dance, met another woman, started walking out the door with her, when, in the middle of a song. i heard my brother say, ‘Chucky I see you.’ I went back in.

“In order to get groceries we had to take a boat — it was a squared off canoe fitted with a three-horse motor. At Moosonee we’d give our order to someone, along with a blank money order, a week later our stuff would come in. They were honest, sent along a receipt for everything.

A man stopped to pat Goldie. He said to Chuck, “I’m looking forward to the weekend.”

Chuck said, “I am too, it means I can sleep longer.”

The man asked, “Doesn’t your dog get you up?”

Chuck said, “I take her for a walk later at night, that way we sleep until later, but she’s usually the first one up.”

Chuck said to me, “Do you know what the worst addiction is… cigarettes. I could probably take a few drinks then  go back on the wagon. If I had drink, I’d have a cigarette. That would kill me. I think I’ve told you before that if I was to choose a place to die it would be at a strip club. There would be beautiful, naked women fussing over me, I’d have a drink and a smoke and would die a happy man.”