Archive for October 1, 2014

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1 October 2014

“Hi, Dennis, I’ll apologize ahead of time. I’ve been drunk and stoned for the last three days. Yesterday I had $800. I don’t know what happened to it. All I remember is buying a bratwurst sandwich. I think it was the best sandwich I’ve ever eaten. I wanted to buy a remote-controlled car for a hundred bucks, but I didn’t have enough money. You probably think it’s stupid for a guy in my condition to want to buy a toy, but that’s what I wanted.”

I asked Outcast, “Did Chester make it home okay yesterday?”

“Yeah, after he slept it off for a while, Little Chester walked him to the corner where he got a taxi. Mariah phoned him this morning, he was fine. Now we got these two assholes to deal with.”

Spike was babbling the whole time. I couldn’t make out a word he was saying.

Frank asked me, “Dennis, we’ve been arguing about something, maybe you can settle this. What does it say on Jacques’ sweatshirt? What does it look like to you?”

I said, “It’s hard to make out, with the zipper running through the words, but I see The Red Chord.”

Outcast said, “See, Jake, I told you.”

“No,” said Jake, “I still say it says The Real Choice and I’m sticking with that.

“Dennis, you gotta admit that it’s fucked up. Do you agree? It’s fucked up.

“Jacques, what does your sweatshirt say?”

Jacques unzipped and opened his shirt, so no image was visible. “There, argument over!”

“Dennis,” said Jake. I feel really pissed off. I swear I’m going to go over and smack Hippo in the head. That’s what I’m going to do.

“Can somebody give me some money?”

Outcast said, “I’ve got a twenty for you, but first you have to buy your bus pass.”

Jacques said, “I’ll give you a twenty after you get your bus pass.”

“I will, just as soon as I finish this bottle. I still got four hours.

“Hippo, why do you still look sober?”

Hippo said, “I’m not sober. I’m hammered, man.”

Jake said, “I have to get my bus pass, as soon as the sun comes out.

“Dennis, I got to tell you something. My mother was very intelligent. She said that I was smart too. I finished grade eight with an average of 89%. Sometimes I think I should write a book. Do you know why I don’t?  I’d be afraid of what I’d write. If anybody read it they’d punch in my head.”

I said, “You should do that Jake. It’s a good idea.”

Hippo yelled to Jacques, “Music!”

Jacques said, “What about music. You want it turned up or down?”

“Turn it up!” AC/DC’s Who Made Who was playing:

Who made who, who made you
Who made who
Ain’t nobody told you
Who made who, who made you
If you made them and they made you
Who pick up the bill and who made who
Who made who
Who turned the screw
Yeah

Frank said, “I’d like to be at home where I could turn the music up full blast and I wouldn’t have to deal with all this bullshit.”

Jacques said, “Where I live, if you turn the music too loud, they kick you out. I don’t like loud music playing late at night. Sometimes I get up at 2:30 and do my laundry. It’s nice and peaceful. Then I go back upstairs and make something to eat.”

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