Archive for April 10, 2015




10 April 2015

“Good morning, Chuck, I see the rain’s held off.”

“Well, normally I hate umbrellas, but this morning I brought one just in case. Goldie and I hadn’t been out five minutes, when the sky opened up and it poured.  Goldie peed a few times, but when the rain is coming down hard it scares her. We went back into the building, there’s a mat in front of my door where Goldie can shake off the water. I wiped my feet, but they were dry by then so I didn’t have to change shoes. I attached Goldie’s leash to the chair and she jumped up. I did a few things inside then we went out and caught the bus, hoping that the rain would hold off.

“There was a big fire near my stop downtown, so I had to detour. That used a lot of electricity. I’ll have to put off doing some of my errands until tomorrow.

“There was a lady at the grocery store yesterday who said, “That’s a nice car you have.” I said to her, ‘I’d prefer that you don’t call it a car. I could get in trouble if I had to obey the rules for cars.’ She said, ‘Don’t you tell me what to call it. If I want to call it a car, I’ll damned well call it a car.’ I was dumbfounded — I couldn’t think of a thing to say. What I should have said is,’How many women have sat on your face this morning.’ She probably would have said, ‘A dozen.’

“One time, as I was leaving the grocery store, I felt a jerk, first to one side then to the other. I had to cross the street and it was all I could do to keep my chair going the right way. A cop stopped me and asked, ‘Did you know that you have a carpet runner stuck to the bottom of your chair. I don’t know how many lily-livered people saw that, but none of them had the courtesy to tell me about the carpet. I couldn’t get it unstuck myself, so the cop pulled the end and eventually it came free.

“I can’t figure it out. Yesterday, I was at the grocery store at 10:30 am. I couldn’t see a single clerk around. The butcher was there, cutting up meat, but there was hardly anything on the shelves. I bought a couple of loaves of bread and some buns filled with cream for a treat. I love those. I hooked the bag with the bread on the back of my chair and kept the buns at my side. I took the number 16 bus, I was nearly at my stop, so I twirled around, forgetting that the buns were under my arm. I heard a sickening, crunching sound. I thought to myself, ‘There go my buns.’

I asked, “Were you able to eat them?”

Chuck said, “Yes, I checked them when I got home. The plastic crumpled a bit, but the buns weren’t damaged. I reached around for the bag with the two loaves of bread. It was gone. Somebody stole it off the back of my chair. It’s not the first time that’s happened. One afternoon I was at the mall. There weren’t too many customers, so I didn’t bother backing up to the wall, as I usually do. I noticed a man pass behind me. When I got home, I unpacked my groceries and saw I was missing a large bottle of Evian water. I have to keep hydrated because of my heart.

Chuck said, “Yes, the plastic crumpled a bit, but the buns weren’t damaged.

“Can you imagine that, stealing from a man in a wheelchair. I try to dress respectably, but I certainly don’t look rich. I can’t imagine what he was hoping to find. There are so many assholes in this world. Like the ones waiting to see someone jump off a building. I was near the Trinity Building, I heard a lot of shouting, sure enough someone jumped from the twenty-seventh floor everyone saw it but me. I’m not morbid or anything, but if someone jumps off a building I want to see it. On television one time they showed a man on his balcony. Fire was licking at his ass. He decided to jump. He held his hands to his sides, kept his legs together. About half way down he started waving goodbye. When he got to about the second floor they cut the film. I was disappointed. It’s not that I want anyone to jump to their death, but if they do I want to see it.”