Archive for May 19, 2015




19 May 2015

“Good morning, Chuck. “How was your weekend?”

“It was okay. I went to the Tulip Festival, I wanted to test my vehicle out on the nature trail near the canal. There were a lot of pedestrians, so I’d ‘beep, beep’ as I went along. Some assholes would see me coming and step right out in front of me. It’s a wonder I didn’t hit them. A couple of times I leaned out my window and yelled, ‘Get out of my fuckin’ way!’

“Of course there were the Falun Gong and anti-abortion protesters. I wanted to protest against them. I don’t care about the issues, I just don’t like protesters. They block traffic, disrupt people’s lives who have nothing to do with their cause. If anything, they harm their own cause.

“I bought a piece of fudge. My mom used to make that when I was a kid. I took a bite and it was good, chewy and sweet. I hadn’t asked the price, then the server said, ‘That will be $10.00 please.’ I nearly spit it out. Later on I bought a hot dog. I was standing beside my vehicle, eating, when this guy comes up and says, ‘Would you move further down the sidewalk? I want to take a picture of my wife and kids.’ I asked him, ‘Do you own this trail?’ The guy said ‘No.’ I said, ‘Well, I fuckin’ do, so piss off!’ Now, if he’d asked me nicely, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a photograph of my family in front of the tulips. Would you please move?’ I’d have said, ‘Sure, no problem.’

“While I was down there I stopped into the grocery store. They had soup on for half price. I bought five cans of vegetable. When I got home, I opened a can for my lunch. The first thing I saw was the head of a mouse. I threw all five cans in the garbage.”

“I said, “I once got a beer bottle with something in it. I phoned the company and they sent a free case.”

Chuck said, “One time I bought six beer. I put them on the window sill where is was nice and cold. My wife asked me to open one for her. I poured it in a glass and just before she took a sip, I said, ‘Stop!’ I noticed a grasshopper in her glass. If I hadn’t opened the bottle, I could have sued them, or got some free beer.

“A while earlier, a female bicycle courier, stopped at the light. I said to her, “Thank you.” She said, “What for?” I said, “For not riding your bicycle on the sidewalk.” Some of those guys are crazy. No wonder there are so many accidents with bikes.

“I don’t think I’m going to be staying around for too long. In fact I wasn’t going to come out today at all. That sky looks really unsettled, there’s a north-west breeze coming in. I saw on the weather report that they had freezing rain in Thunder Bay.”

“Well, Chuck” I said, “I should be getting to work, so maybe I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe not.”

“We’ll see. Bye.”

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