Panhandler’s Union

 

 

25 June 2015

“Good morning, Chuck.”

“Good morning. Remember, I told you about that crazy guy, the one with no legs that scoots around in an electric wheelchair, the one nobody likes. He’s really obnoxious. Anyway, I mentioned that he wanted to start a Panhandler’s Union and I said what a stupid idea it was. Well, he’s done it. He met with a union organizer and there’s a meeting tonight. Look at this.” Chuck showed me a photocopied invitation with a union number.

“The guy’s nuts. He’s high all the time. There isn’t anything that he won’t smoke, pop or shoot.

“You see that woman standing on the corner?”

“Which one?”

“The tall blonde with hair down to her waist and legs up to…where legs go. If she doesn’t come over here and give me a kiss on the lips, I’m going on strike. What do you think of that?”

I said, “It’s your choice.”

“Well, on both counts It’s not going to happen. There was cop in the coffee shop this morning.  I asked him, ‘Do you want to see something funny?’ He said, ‘I see something funny every day.’ He said, ‘I know this guy. I’m going to have a talk with him.’

“There are a few people who are ready to give the guy a shot in the head. They feel the same way towards him as they do towards Big Jake.”

I said, “A number of people were going to give him a beating after Joy died. They’d been holding back because Joy asked them to. Have you seen him lately?”

“I haven’t seen him and I don’t want to see him. He’s scum.”

I asked, “How is Goldie feeling now? She’s acting a bit more chipper.”

“She seems fine now. I should have taken her to the vet a lot sooner. People told me that the lump on her side was just a fatty cyst, It wouldn’t affect her one way or another. Well, the vet had to remove one of her mammary glands.”

I asked, “Did he think that it may have been cancerous?”

“I don’t know. He said that we’d just have to wait and see, but if it is cancer, I’m, not going to let her suffer. I’ll have the vet put her down quick. I’ll be the one to suffer.”

I asked, “Do you think you’ll be going on strike anytime soon?”

“I thought I’d try it Friday. I’ll still be here, but I’ll turn my cap down and will refuse any donations. See how people like that.

“I sure regret the years that I was drinking. I was living in the rooming house then. I’d open a beer first thing in the morning, drink half while I made breakfast, drink the other half while I was eating breakfast. Then, I’d walk out into the hall and yell, ‘Hey you guys, get out of bed, it’s party time!’ I had the biggest room so that’s where we’d gather. When I’d run out of money I’d panhandle. I probably wasted about $50,000, enough to buy a small house.

“Now, I’m saving for winter, for the times I can’t be here because of the cold. Well, I learned my lesson. Too bad it came so late.”

 
 

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