Shakes, you’re too funny

Posted: August 23, 2019 in Dialog, Prose
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

https://rainn.org/

……

2 May 2013

I was sitting, with my friends, in a shaded part of the park. Tommy asked, “Has anybody seen Shakes? He didn’t come home last night. I have his keys, so he won’t be able to get into his place until I find him, or he finds me. I’m going to his ‘office’, maybe he’s there.”

I was admiring some of Wolf’s tattoos. He has Yosemite Sam and an eagle carrying a snake on one arm. On the other arm is the Tasmanian Devil. “Those were crazy nights!” he said. “One was done with a gun, the others with needles. They don’t compare with what I see being done in today’s parlours, there are some real ink artists working now.

Shaggy was making her usual fuss, barking for no apparent reason. Wolf said, “She’s got something to say. What is it Shag? Why don’t you go bite Jacques. Get it out of your system.

“It’s nearly time for her annual visit to the spa. She’ll get her nails done, her coat clipped. She’ll feel strange for the first while.

“She’s a smart dog, a Wheaton Terrier. The vet said she also has some Bearded Collie in her. She’s  bigger than a normal Wheaton and her coat is longer, but if you look up a picture of a  Wheaton Terrier, that’s her.”

Shakes wandered over. I asked, ” Where have you been, Shakes? Tommy’s been looking for you.”

“I stayed at a friend’s place last night.”

“Did the cops treat you alright?” I asked.

“Yeah, they were okay. We just had a discussion, they took me to The Shepherd, then I escaped, I even got my booze back.

“I was at ‘my office’ when this government dude came by. He’s had a hard-on for me for a long time. I said to him, ‘I’ve been here since ninety-five. How long have you been here?’ He said, ‘Three years.’ I said, ‘So, I’ve got more seniority here than you do.’

“The people from the restaurant saw what was happening. They came over and the owner offered to drive me to his place. They take good care of me.”

Raven said, “Shakes, you’re wearing your leather jacket. You must be hot.”

“I’m always hot, that’s what the women tell me. If those two over there see you talking to me, they’ll get jealous.”

“Shakes, you’re too funny.”

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