Posts Tagged ‘cops’

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13 December 2012

Jacques, Wolf and Shaggy were my only friends at the park today. The sun was shining and Jacques was enjoying the warmth.

“I’m always happy, me, especially when the sun is shining. I come down here — where else am I going to go? I was looking in the Loblaws flyer today, they got the big lasagna and the big cabbage roll, the five-pound one for seven dollars. I love that, but living alone, I can’t eat that much. Even Hippo he can’t eat that much. At the market, I buy camembert and brie, the round ones. At Loblaws it costs four seventy-five — me, I can’t afford that, but at the market, they sell the ones near the expiry date that they can’t sell in stores, two for five dollars. I leave it at room temperature for two days and spread it on crackers. That’s my favorite.”

Wolf said, “I don’t like cheese that much. The only kind I buy is mozzarella, and on a hamburger, I’ll have cheddar.”

“You like mozzarella, that stuff they shave? It tastes like puke.”

“I like it, okay? I know, I’m German, they make lots of cheese, but I just like Mozzarella. You don’t have to like it, but it’s what I like.

“Jacques is supposed to be watching his cholesterol. I’ve heard of beef stew, chicken stew even rabbit stew, but have you ever heard of someone making bacon stew? If his doctor knew that, he’d flip.

“I eat bacon every day. I like to fry it and then cook my eggs in the grease. That’s what gives them the good taste.”

Jacques said, “In my place, you’re not supposed to cook after ten o’clock, but at one thirty I woke up and smelled grease. The young guy was frying something. He’s not a very good cook, but the smell of that grease frying sure smelled good. He left his frying pan and dishes in the sink for another day.”

I asked, “Has anybody heard anything from Joy lately?”

Jacques said, “I went to the hospital to see her this morning. She was looking okay. She’s moving around a bit.”

I asked, “She isn’t walking yet, is she?”

“She uses a walker. She seems weak on her left side. Her left foot she kind of drags. They told her that she can’t drink anymore, but already she told me that she has two bottles of sherry in her fridge at home. They want to keep her over Christmas. She say she want to be out to spend it with friends and have a few drinks. The drinks might kill her.”

Wolf said, “Sometimes they’ll do that, let patients out for Christmas, but in her case, it isn’t such a good idea.”

I said, “When the doctors told her she wasn’t allowed to drink, she said, ‘You told me that last time and I got ten months, without coming back here.’ So she has no intention of quitting.”

Wolf said, “People are different, what hurts one, may not hurt another. It’s the same with animals. Weasel really gave me shit for giving Shaggy a little piece of chocolate. I can’t see the problem of giving her just one little chunk. It’s not like I’m giving her a whole chocolate bar.”

Jacques said, “I saw on TV, a doctor was saying that for some dogs, the sweetness of the chocolate turns into a poison inside the dog, but it’s not all dogs.”

“Well, Shaggy’s had chocolate before and it didn’t kill her, so I guess she’s not one of those dogs.”

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12 November 2012

On the traffic island, I met nine of my friends. Joy said, “I moved to my apartment on Friday. My back is sore because I don’t have any furniture, just an empty room. I sat in the middle of the floor all weekend. Yesterday, Mariah brought me down two folding canvas chairs. She also brought me some kind of a quilt or comforter. I opened the bag and it stunk. I said to her, ‘You brought me dirty laundry?’ I took it to the laundromat nearby, they have only one double washer and no double dryers. They ate quarters like you wouldn’t believe.

“Wednesday we go to Chester’s place to pick up the rest of my stuff, mostly shoes.

“When they cut a tree down in my back yard, some of the bark got tracked downstairs. There were these little woodworms that curl up when you touch them. All morning I was flicking these with my thumb. It was just like playing marbles with my son.

I said, “It must feel good to have a place to go to where you can lock the door, it’s quiet and you can do whatever you want.”

“It will take a bit of getting used to, but I have lots of security. There are three doors that have to be unlocked in order to get to my place.”

I asked, “How about your health card, will you be getting that soon?”

“Yeah, I really need to be on my meds.”

I said, “That should make a big difference in how you feel.”

“My fibromyalgia is really acting up in my legs and my arms.”

“I don’t know much about that, but I have restless leg syndrome. If I don’t take my medication my leg twitches every fourteen seconds. It’s really annoying and will keep me awake at night.”

“I have the same thing.”

Joseph came over, “I’m sorry to hear about the son you lost (my son isn’t lost). You have my condolences. I was telling you last week about my daughter that was lost, actually, it wasn’t my daughter it was my god-daughter. Her father is doing time in prison — twenty years for murder. So, while he’s in jail I’m responsible for her.”

He showed me his birth certificate from Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. He said, “See, my name is actually Italian.”

“I’m in trouble with my partner. I have addictions. I went to the casino — I can count cards — I made some money. The dealer said, ‘I can see you’re a card player.’ I said, ‘Take me to the Blackjack table.’ I won ten thousand dollars, but the cops were standing at the door waiting for their cut. I walked up to them. I asked? ‘ Do any of you have a smoke?’ One handed me a cigarette. I asked, ‘Do you have a light?’ He pulled out his lighter and lit my cigarette. I don’t smoke. They asked, ‘Did you have a good night?’ I said, ‘No, I lost.’ Then I walked out the door with my case full of money. I spent it on my brothers. It all went on booze.”

A police car pulled up with two police officers in it. Officer D. Salinas said to Outcast. “We saw you throw a can into the bushes. We’re going to have to charge you.” He pulled out his pad and wrote Outcast a ticket.

Officer McQuaid was writing a ticket for Weasel.

He asked Andre, “Are you keeping out of trouble?”

“Yes officer, I’m sober. I have been for three days.”

“How about you Joseph? Why are you standing so close to me? Is this some kind of a confrontation?”

Joy said, “McQuaid, don’t stand too close to those dreadlocks. If you look close you can see little white things. It isn’t dandruff.”

Two more police cars pulled up. Female officers got out of each car. One said, “How’s everybody doing?”

Joy said, “I’ve just moved into a place of my own, so I dropped by to visit some of the guys.”

“That sounds good, Joy. You should be at home having a house-warming, not down here.”

“Most of these guys I wouldn’t invite over. If I had one, Officer Stiller, would you come?”

“I think I’d pass on that, but thanks anyway.”

One of the female officers came over to Andre. She reached down and picked up his leather gloves. “Where did you get these?”

“I bought them at Sally Ann.”

“They look a lot like a pair I lost.” She examined them inside and out. There was a call on her radio, a group of twenty people was leaning against the wall at the Mission. They got back in their cars and left. McQuaid and Salinas left shortly after.”

Andre said to me, “The reason she was looking at my gloves is that when she stopped me a few days ago I stole her SWAT gloves. She stopped me yesterday and I stole another pair.”

Joy said, “I’m so glad they left, I’m on the last day of my probation and I’ve got pot in my backpack and a bottle under my sweatshirt. Those female officers could have searched me and my bag.

To Joseph, she said, “Why did you have to talk to them the way you did? Are you trying to get us all arrested?”

 

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group3

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12 October 2012

The mornings are getting ever colder. Joy was wrapped up, rubbing her legs. André was sitting on a cushion.

He said, “This cushion keeps me dry, but it sure doesn’t keep me warm.”

Joy said, “I’m going to get one of those plastic storage boxes and stash it behind Starbucks when I don’t need it. This cold really causes my legs to ache.”

I asked, “What happened when the police came by, yesterday?”

“Nothing much — the usual. They sent the Hope Recovery van for Serge. He was sleeping at ‘the heater’. I didn’t like the way they were treating him. I said, ‘Hey, be careful with him. He’s my friend.’ One of them kept waving her hand in front of her face. I know he probably doesn’t smell that good, but they must have dealt with worse than him. I found it disrespectful.”

“How has Chester been?”

“He was better this morning. Mind you, I bought him a gram of pot yesterday. When I came home he said, ‘Joy, I saved you a joint.’ I said, ‘That’s okay, Chester, I have my own.”

“Do you have any plans for the weekend?”

“No, I’ll probably be doing laundry. Some clothes I had just thrown on top of the bags I moved out to the balcony. They’ll have to be washed and asshole probably has things he wants to have washed.”

I said, “I’ll have to be getting back to work now. Will you be at the park at noon?”

“We’ll probably be at the island, or under the bridge. We’re getting hassled too much at the park, especially if there are more than four of us.

It was snowing at noon. I passed Andre on my way to the park. He said, “Hi Dennis, I’ll be back in a few minutes. I just have to get something.”

I could hear Shaggy barking long before I could see anyone. It brought to mind a comment that Silver had made a while back, I don’t want to go up there, Shaggy’s barking his head off. On the curb on one side was Little Jake, on the other side was Hippo, Chester, Joy, Wolf and a friend of his (I can’t remember his name),

Hippo said, “My parents visited yesterday and brought some DVDs, but they took them home with them. My dad brought a tape measure last week, but he took it back yesterday. I don’t know what all that was about. I wish they’d left the DVDs — there were some good movies there. I have cable now. I just plugged it in and it’s working.”

Joy said, “He’s been complaining like this all morning.”

Hippo said, “I turned my tv on full volume this morning. It’ll serve the crack heads right for keeping me awake all night.”

Joy said, “Andre’s gone to get a bottle of water for me since he drank most of mine.”

Andre returned with Joy’s water, did a little dance then sat next to Jake. A woman was passing. He said, “Hey, beautiful, did you wash your hair with curly water today?”

Wolf said, “This is only my second time out this week. I was here on Tuesday. I haven’t got my clothing figured out yet, for this weather. I’m warm on top, but I need warmer shoes. Can you believe this snow? Shaggy doesn’t know what to make of it either.”

Chester went on a run for Joy. After he left she said, “I bought a dozen eggs last night, I had one. I checked this morning, there were only five left. Chester ate six eggs in one day and he goes to the Mission for meals. I also bought some bologna, but I stashed that away.

“This afternoon I’m going to Chuck’s old place to see if my checks are there. I’m expecting one from Trillium for a hundred bucks and one from G.S.T. (Goods and Services Tax) for sixty. I’ll check the mailbox, or if someone is at home, I can ask if any mail is there addressed to me. I’ll just tell them that I was slow in getting my change of address filed. I hope they don’t ask for Identification, because I don’t have any. Last time the crack head gave them to me.” 

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cops

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11 October 2012

I could see my breath this morning. Joy was wrapped in her blanket sitting next to Andre. I shook hands with both of them and sat next to Joy.

I asked her, “How did your appointment go yesterday?”

“She was messing with my head. She said, ‘You’ve had quite a life, haven’t you?’ I said, ‘It started with my grandfather, then my father, then his younger brother. I got into drugs, was kicked out of my home, joined a biker gang, was into prostitution, jail, then ended up on the street, sleeping behind a dumpster. So, yeah, I’ve had quite a life.’ ”

“Is she any closer to getting you in to see a doctor, or at least get you back on your previous medication?”

“She’s working on it. I see her again next Wednesday. I’m just tired of this runaround. It’s been going on since January.”

I said to Andre, “I see you’ve shaved again.”

“I’m trying to look respectable for a while.” To Joy he said, “I guess I look better than I did last weekend. I still can’t figure out how I ended up in that garden. I sure didn’t get far from Little Jake’s place.”

Joy said, “The last time I saw you, you were sitting in the middle of somebody’s lawn. I told you to come, but you said, ‘I’m staying right here.’ ”

“I guess I can get pretty stubborn, sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” I asked. “When aren’t you stubborn?”

“That’s more like it,” said Joy.

“So, you left me there?”

Joy said, “I saw the 14 coming from one direction, so I figured the one going the other way would be along soon. I wasn’t going to miss my bus arguing with you. Yes, I left you there.”

Andre said, “All I know is, I woke up with watermelon and squash all over me. I had tomato dripping down my chin. I was a mess.”

I said, “You told me you remembered slicing a tomato with a Tim Horton’s card.”

“Yeah, I remember saying that.”

Joy said, “I remember one time, sitting here, a guy wearing a six hundred-dollar suit, and an even more expensive overcoat, threw a full cup of coffee at me. It burnt my face. I went after the guy with all I had. Some of my regular ladies came by and asked what happened. I said, “Look at me. This jerk threw a cup of coffee at me. They started hitting him with their purses.”

“Did anyone call the police?” I asked, “That’s assault! He shouldn’t get away with that!”

“Somebody may have called the police. I didn’t stick around. What I did to the guy probably would have gotten me charged. Can you imagine, someone going into a restaurant, buying a coffee with the express purpose of throwing it on somebody? He must be one sick fuck. It’s not as if I even ask for money. I just sit here. I say, ‘good morning’ to some people who I know, apart from that I’m quiet as a mouse.”

I asked Joy, “How are you and Chester getting along?”

“Last night we had another big argument. He slammed the door in my face. I said, ‘Chester, I’m moving out. I can’t put up with this bullshit any longer.” I packed my bag, put it out on the balcony. It must have weighed more than me. I didn’t have money for a cab. I had no place else to stay. I thought about going to the dumpsters behind Starbucks, but they’ve moved them close to the wall now. Nobody is staying there any more. I don’t know where Bearded Bruce is. I think he’s with Weasel.

“Chester said, ‘Please Joy, don’t leave. I love you.’ So I stayed the night. He was a little better this morning.”

Andre said, “Bruce is trained as a chef, isn’t he?”

“Bruce is a good cook, but he serves beans with everything. He filled my plate until it was heaping. I couldn’t finish half of it. Chuck took some, but he couldn’t finish his either.”

I said, “I was talking to Winston yesterday. He was mentioning the Native Friendship Center on Rideau. He was saying that every Wednesday there is a free meal, story telling, dancing and drumming. Do you know anything about that?”

Andre said, “I went there once. A guy said to me, ‘This is for native people.’ I’m part Ojibway. I said, “Who are you to say whether or not I’m part native. I see a guy over there that looks white, and another over there. Did they have to prove they were native?’ The guy says, ‘I know they’re native. You’re lucky you got a bowl of cereal. Don’t come back again.’ ”

Joy said, “I’ve had the same problem, my father was Ojibway, my mother was English. I’m metis, but I look white. I don’t fit in anywhere.”

At noon I was leaving the building, where I work, and ran into Buck, and his dog Dillinger. He said, “Joy, Andre and Shakes are together, sitting in the middle of the street.’ I had no idea what that meant. I found them sitting on the concrete island with elevated flower garden, that divides the Mackenzie King bridge, near Elgin.”

I said to them, “Hawk told me that you were in the middle of the street, I didn’t know what he meant.”

Joy said, “We’re just trying to stay out of trouble. The cops were by earlier. They can’t say anything about us sitting here. We’re not talking to anybody, we don’t have any alcohol visible.” Then she looked at Shakes.

“Shakes, for Christ’s sake, will you put that bottle under your coat or something. You don’t have to advertise that you’re drinking.” Just then a police car passed.

“Just watch, he’s going to turn around.” she said. The car continued on and didn’t return.

Andre said, “I haven’t seen that big cop, Caron, lately. The one with the muscles and all the tattoos.”

Joy said, “I heard that he got promoted. He works in the building now.”

“He sure doesn’t like Little Jake,” said Andre. “I remember the last time, Jake was sitting on the ground, Caron was bending over him saying, ‘Why don’t you learn to shut up. If you say one more word, I’m going to take you behind that electrical shed and beat the shit out of you.’

“The other cop looked at me and said, ‘If he gets into it with your friend, I’m not big enough to do anything about it. If you can talk reason to Jake, now would be a good time.’ I bent down and said to Jake, ‘This guy is the size of a tree. There’s no way out of this. Just keep your mouth shut.’ Jake said, ‘Okay.’

Joy started sneezing, over and over again. She said, “I heard that a sneeze is like one tenth of an orgasm. I usually sneeze ten times. I don’t need men at all.

“I’m not looking forward to going home. Chester is still acting pissy. He went to the Mission for lunch and was complaining about the food. He said, ‘They were serving grilled cheese sandwiches. I told them it was garbage and threw it in the trash.’ I’ve seen Chester cook grilled cheese sandwiches. He didn’t throw it in the trash; he ate it, and didn’t complain.”

“Is Chester still upset about Silver’s death?”

“I guess so, but he has to move on. I have.”

“I need to be on my medication and I’m having a real problem with menopause. I’ve got more zits now that I’ve had at any time in my life. I like my face. I don’t want to look like this. I’m whining, aren’t I?”

I said, “You have good reason to be upset.”

I had to return to work. I shook hands with Joy. Andre and Shakes then headed towards Elgin. A police car pulled up. The cop asked, “Are you guys waiting for your meal?” I’ll hear the rest of the details tomorrow.

 

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group3

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October 2012

At noon today, I met Serge in his usual place sitting on a curb in the shade of a large oak tree.  He said, “It’s my old friend, Kenny Rogers.”

“Hi Serge, how are you feeling today?”

“Not so good. I have an appointment with my doctor, this afternoon, at the clinic on Cooper Street.”

“What are you seeing your doctor about? Are you having problems with your stomach again.”

“Yeah, it’s my stomach, and I have a pain in my shoulder.”

“What’s the pain in your shoulder from?”

“The cops came by. I smashed my bottle so I wouldn’t get a ticket. They put my hands behind my back, put handcuffs on me, then pushed me to the sidewalk. It hurt something in my shoulder.”

I said, “I know what those cuffs feel like. They always put them on too tight, don’t they.”

“I don’t know why they did that. I didn’t get a ticket. This morning a guy saw me drinking out of my Listerine bottle. He said, ‘I’ll give you twenty dollars if you throw that bottle away.’ ‘No way,’ I said. ‘Keep your money.’ He gave me the twenty anyway.”

“So that worked out well for you. I hope everything goes well at the doctor’s office this afternoon. I’ll see you later.” I moved on to say hello to Shakes and Wolf. Shaggy barked the whole time.

“Don’t pay any attention to her,” said Wolf, “she’s just saying hello. She doesn’t make much of a guard dog; she barks, but she’s too lazy to lift her head off the sidewalk.”

I sat on the sidewalk in front of Joy. Chester was just leaving to go for Chinese food, at the mall food court. “How’s everything going today, Joy?” I asked. She gestured with her head toward Chester and rolled her eyes.

“Dennis, I’m losing it. I met with my P.O. (Parole Officer) this morning. I didn’t think that I was talking loud. All of a sudden two cops came in. They said, ‘We thought there was a disturbance.’ My P.O. was upset, she said, ‘There’s no disturbance. If there had been, I have a buzzer to press, or I would have called you.’ After a while, I had to pee. When I got outside her door, sure enough, the two cops were on either side. They followed me to the bathroom and waited outside. I stayed an extra long time, just to piss them off. I also had a drink. “When I finished my appointment I took the elevator down. The two cops went with me. I said to them, ‘What is it with you guys? Is it that you just don’t like me? I wasn’t put on this earth to be either liked or disliked by you.’ I said to the big one, ‘I remember you. You’re the one who smashed my cheek.’ He said, ‘You didn’t lodge a complaint.’ I know better than to charge one of Ottawa’s finest. I learned that lesson in Toronto.”

I asked, “How did he smash your cheek?”

“Feel both of my cheeks. See if you think they feel the same.” I noticed that the bone structure felt different. “Part of my cheekbone was broken off. They were called to our apartment when I was still with Big Jake. One cop was talking him outside, the big one was with me in the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started taking out beer. I said, ‘Excuse me.’ Notice that I was being polite. I said, ‘Excuse me, but those are my beer. You’ve no right to be taking them.’ That’s the last I remember. I woke up in the hospital. I still have a scar, but it’s nearly faded now.

“I also met with my worker this morning. She may have an apartment for me to see tomorrow. I just hope I get it. Chester is driving me crazy. I’d never hurt him, but I just don’t know what I’m doing some times. I think I freaked out my P.O this morning. Hopefully, she’ll get me back on my anti-schizoid medication. I haven’t had it since I was in the hospital last January.”

“Joy,” I said, “I can understand some of what you’re feeling. If I wasn’t on medication I’d be a mess.”

“Last night,” she said, “I was at a party at Chuck’s place. I was having a good time. I’m entitled to have a good time, once in a while, aren’t I? I’d been there about an hour when I got a phone call from Chester. Even though I told him not to, he invited Loretta over for some Mukmuk loving. I don’t think it worked out the way he planned. He was drunk and she gets crazy when she drinks. Chester said that she was hitting him and he didn’t know how to get her out of his apartment. ‘I said to him, ‘Chester, go over to the fridge. The number for security is on a card there. Phone them and tell them you want someone removed from your apartment. They’ll take Loretta out. If you don’t want to do that, dial 911 and the cops will deal with her.’ I must have gotten half a dozen calls from him. I phoned security, told them that my father was having trouble getting someone out of his apartment. I said, ‘I’ve seen you guys, you’re big enough to handle a hundred-pound woman. I’ve also seen that you have handcuffs if she gives you any trouble.’ Chester called back again. He said that security had gotten Loretta out of the apartment, but later he heard a knock and opened the door. It was Loretta. She barged back in. Who in their right mind opens a door, when they don’t know who’s on the other side? It could have been thieves, ready to invade his home and take all he’s got. I came home and Loretta was passed out on the couch. This is my home. I saw red. I really laid into her. I’m not exactly sure what happened, I was fairly wasted at the time. I know I threw her out. This morning, I saw that there was blood on the couch. My knuckles are sore. My foot is sore, there was blood all over my white shoe, and I found teeth prints in the leather. Marilyn doesn’t have teeth, but whoever removed them did a lousy job. She still has nubs. I don’t know what kind of shape she’s in.

“Tomorrow, I go for my second anger management counseling session with E. Fry (The Elizabeth Fry Society). I’ll have someone messing with my head. I just can’t take much more. I feel like I’m dying from the inside.”

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shelter

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27 September 2012

Five of my friends sat on the curb, near the park today.

Outcast said, “Dennis, before you sit down, here’s a copy of the Metro to keep your cheeks dry.”

“Thanks, Outcast.

“How’s everything going, Hippo?”

“Great, I get the keys to my new apartment tomorrow.”

“Where will it be?”

“Vanier, on some street starting with ‘L’, a French name. It’s really nice.”

Outcast asked, “That’s in one of those projects, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Where did you sleep last night, Hippo?” I asked.

“We all slept behind Starbucks, the old place.”

“Were Bruce and Weasel there?”

“Yeah, and Bear. I slept next to the dumpster, nearly underneath it. I was the windbreak.”

Andre said, “You should have seen it, Dennis. Bear’s nose was about an inch from Hippo’s.”

To Hippo, he said, “It’s a good thing you didn’t make any sudden movements in your sleep. You could have lost part of your face. I don’t know how you could have put up with Bear’s breath, or how he could have put up with yours.”

“Bear and I are good,” said Hippo.

“Don’t get too friendly,” laughed Andre.

A female police officer, followed by a male, rode up the sidewalk.”

“Hello gentlemen, does anyone have any open liquor.” Outcast had kicked his can over the railing. She noticed an open can of beer between Hippo and Andre. “Who does that belong to? Is that your’s Hippo?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He held up the can.

“If I dump it, do I still get a ticket?”

“If I don’t see anything, you don’t get a ticket” Andre put his cap in front of the can and took a swig.

Hippo said, “This is my last beer. I’ll take the ticket.”

The ticket was written and handed to Hippo. He took it, folded it and handed it to Jacques. “Another one for your wall, Jacques.”

Andre said to the police officer, “You guys know that we don’t pay these things. Does that bother you at all?”

The officer said, “We do our job, the courts do their job. We’ll be back in fifteen.”

After she left Andre said, “She’s my cousin.”

Outcast said, “That’s the second beer I’ve kicked over the rail today.”

Andre said, “I’m just glad they haven’t changed the law, so we’d have to do jail time for unpaid tickets. I know I’m over $8,000.”

Shakes said, “I’m over $10,000.”

Outcast said, “It would be ridiculous to have us do jail time. It costs over $70,000 a year to keep a man in jail. We’ve got no assets, no houses, no cars, no jobs. There’s nothing they can take from us.”

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.

 

.

ottawacops

.

24 August 2012

Even though it’s still August, the mornings have been cool but not jacket weather, yet. At noon it’ll be hot. Joy had a big smile for me when I arrived.

“How is it going this morning, Joy? Do you mind is I sit down, or will that interfere with your panning?”

“I don’t care. It’s been a good morning. I’m happy, surprisingly. My legs are sore from the fibromyalgia. My left hip is stiff and it feels hot to the touch. I guess that’s arthritis. I wonder if it’s the same thing that Big  Jake has. Rodent gets his letters from Millhaven. He also contacts him, through prison message boards, on the internet. He told me that Jake’s using a cane. He’s having trouble with the same hip I am. Rodent asked me if it’s catching.”

I asked, “How long do you think they’ll keep Little Jake at Hope Recovery?”

“Just overnight, he’s probably out now. I remember once, when I was staying at Cornerstone — the women’s shelter — I got really wasted. I couldn’t even ring the doorbell. I did a face plant against the front glass doors. At the desk they said, ‘It’s Hope Recovery for you tonight, sister.’ I said, ‘No, just help me to my room and I’ll pass out like I do every night; but no, they phoned the outreach workers and they came to pick me up.

“The next morning when I woke up I couldn’t remember anything about the night before. I had two hundred dollars in my jeans pocket, three bottles of sherry and a gram of weed in my backpack. I have no idea where I got the money. For days, I was looking over my shoulder. I thought maybe I had robbed somebody.

“I don’t know what happened to Little Jake yesterday. He seemed fairly sober when I went up there in the morning. Chester went on a liquor run, then Jake mixed one of his Jakenators — beer with sherry. All of a sudden he was wasted.

“It didn’t help that Andre was throwing his bottle around, and making comments to women passing on the sidewalk. They don’t want that on their lunch breaks. I’ve seen some women give him real dirty looks. I saw one stop at the bottom of the hill and make a call on her cell phone. Ten minutes later the police arrived.

“The last thing we need is someone drawing attention. Andre has been in town for five years. He knows the rules.

“I’m glad that Shakes’ is getting treatment at Innes. They probably have him on Lithium, Valium and an alcohol drip. That’s what I was on the last time I was there. It prevents the shakes from alcohol withdrawal. I was just there for the weekend. I slept most of the time. They just left the jug of tea outside my cell. I had no appetite, all I wanted was something warm.

I said, “Silver’s looking awfully thin. He says he has stomach problems and has made an appointment with his doctor. He says that he’s not eating enough.”

Joy said, “I think he’s back on crack. He gets a check every month, but he eats at restaurants. He has a small fridge, he could stock it with vegetables, and in his little freezer compartment he could have frozen meat. He’s alcoholic, he has to eat.

“Chester’s coming down later to have a coffee. He was by earlier, but I said, ‘Sorry, I don’t have a Tim Horton’s card yet.’ We’re going to the food bank at St. Jo’s later. We need to stock up for the weekend. I always make sure we have lots of vegetables in the fridge. Chester can’t carry very much, but I can get a lot in my backpack. Then we take the bus home.”

“Was Chester asleep when you left this morning?”

“No, I had a coughing fit. I tried to eat, but it came back up. He said it didn’t wake him up, but before that, I heard him snoring.

“When I finish here, I have to go wake up Andre. We both have an appointment at the Salvation Army. My worker is going to look into why it’s taking so long to get my identification papers. I’m going to get her to keep a set in my file, for the next time I lose them. She’s also going to help me get my meds. I really should be on them.

“Outcast was pissed with me last Saturday. He got it in his head that Chester phoned Debbie and told her that Outcast and I had been sleeping together. Chester said he didn’t call, and Debbie’s smart enough to figure things out on her own.

“She also thinks he’s been stealing her pot. He said to me, ‘Oh no, Debbie keeps that in a safe.’ I’m sure that Outcast has watched her open it, and knows the combination.

“Now, he’s got no money and he can’t borrow any because everyone knows he’s a thief – the worst kind of thief, who steals from his friends.”

After I left Joy, I saw Sunny at the pay phone in front of the library. He said to me, “Can you believe this, I’m trying to call the University of Ottawa, and nobody’s answering. Did you hear that I was on the Money Show?”

I said, you mentioned being on the Lowell Green Show. You played me the tape.”

“No, this was Wednesday evening, Lowell Green was on Monday. I was promoting my idea of the solar-powered monorail.”

“I read on the internet about the one in Bologna, Spain. It seems like a good idea. I think that’s the way we should go.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that. Here, I’ve got something for you. These green and purple ribbons are the colors of my Peace and Justice party. I’d be honored if you’d wear them. May I take your photo?”

“Sure, “ I said. “I have to go to work now, but I’ll talk to you next week.”

On my way to the park I saw Serge and William. “How are you today, Serge?”

“Oh, not so good.”

“I hope you’re feeling better soon. Have a good weekend, if I don’t see you later.”

At the park I met a half dozen of the regulars. Wolf was sorting things in Shaggy’s canopy-covered cart. When he turned around I was sitting on the grass beside Joy.

“Dennis,” said Wolf, “I didn’t mean to ignore you, well yes I did, I had some things to sort out first. Eventually, eventually, mind you, I was meaning to turn around and say hello to you. So, hello, Dennis.”

“Hello Wolf, I was sure you were going to say hello to me.”

Willy said, “Dennis, are you really sure that Wolf was going to say hello to you?”

“No, Willy, I’m not sure of nothin’.”

Wolf had a bag of treats.  Joy asked if she could feed Shaggy. She put one of the treats on the lawn, about three feet from Shaggy, then moved her hand towards it, as if she were going to take it back. Shaggy lunged and nearly bit Joy’s wrist.

“Bitch,” said Joy

Shakes had been released from the Ottawa Carleton Detention Center, on Innes Road. I said to him, “Hi Shakes, when did they let you out?”

“Yesterday. I was inside for six days. The court screws saw that the sole of my shoe was flapping. They gave me new shoes.”

Willy asked, “What were you charged with, vagrancy?”

“No, it was a breach. I’m not allowed within five hundred feet of Mc D’s on Bank. I’m not sure how far that is, but it’s more than a foot.”

Willy said, “That was well put, Shakes.”

Two bicycle cops, one male, one female rode up. Shaggy barked.

The female cop did all the talking, “Jake, do you understand the conditions of your probation?”

“Yes, I understand – no pan handling.”

“Shakes, I see you have some court documents.”

“Yes, I’m now allowed within five hundred feet of Mags and Fags.”

“You say, you’re not allowed within five hundred feet of Mags and Fags.”

“I am allowed.”

“Okay, Shakes.”

“The rest of you, any alcohol? Are you staying out of trouble?”

Joy said, “Two of us are just leaving for St. Jo’s food bank on Cumberland.”

“What time does that open?”

“One o’clock.”

“Okay, we’ll leave you alone then.”

They left and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Willy said, “I had about two inches of beer in my can, when I saw them coming. I just turned around and pushed it over the railing. I didn’t lose too much.”

Wolf said, “I’m glad they didn’t check Shaggy’s cart. I had my beer in there.”

Shakes said, “I’ve got a gram of pot in my underwear, but I can’t find it.” He then proceeded to pull down his sweat pants and search for the missing pot.”

Willy said, “Shakes, I hope you’re not intending to share that with anybody. I don’t want anything to do with pot that’s been in your underwear. It’s going to taste of shit and ball sweat.”

“It’s in a plastic bag.”

Joy said, “Shakes, for God’s sake, pull up your pants. I’m seeing way too much, and it isn’t pretty. The cops will be coming back.”

To me she said, “I’ve seen Shakes down and out before, but never this bad. He’s incontinent, he wears Depends. He’s so weak, he can barely get up by himself. He’s not taking care of his burn scars. He doesn’t care. It’s sad.”

As I was standing with the group — everyone packing their bags, picking up their cushions — I saw Wanda, a woman I work with. I waved. She looked at me, with a disapproving look, and walked on — she didn’t wave.

Sometimes, I question what it is I’m doing. I have arguments with health workers whose job it is to treat people with dementia and Alzheimer’s. They say, ‘I can feel empathy with people who are sick — not of their own doing, but alcoholics have brought this on themselves. With our health care system, everybody pays for their choices.’ I agree, the shelters cost money, welfare costs money, jails cost money, the police cost money; but looking at my friends, in their varying states of ability and disability, their personal motivations to struggle with addiction or give in to it, I know it’s more complicated. I don’t know the answers; day by day, I’m beginning to understand the situation.

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.

ipara4

.

23 August 2012

This morning I could barely see Joy’s feet beyond the concrete partition. “How’s it going today?” I asked.

“Horrible! I’ve been here since 6:00 am and I’ve hardly made a cent. It’s worse than Mondays. I guess a lot of my regulars are on holidays.”

“I’ve noticed that where I work, the volume declines over the summer, then picks up in September when staff return from vacations.”

“Metro’s going to get picked off one of these days.” We both watched, as he walked through the line of cars to hand a driver a newspaper.

I said, “You get a great view of the world from down here.”

“Yeah, I see it all. some men have their flies undone, with their willies flapping in the breeze. If I mention it to them they say, ‘Well, look somewhere else.’ I say, ‘Hey, man, it’s right in my face, and it’s not a pretty sight. Where am I supposed to look?’

“Sometimes, I see guys with their shoelaces undone. Sometimes, I tell them, but if it’s the crusty ones I just wait to see if they fall.

“Brad was by earlier. He’s all stitched up. I asked him what happened. He said, ‘Angeline stabbed me with a kitchen knife. She’s serving thirty days.’

‘Thirty days for stabbing someone, that’s ridiculous. Are you going to take her back when she gets out?’ He said, ‘Yes.’

“Angeline can be nice, but she’s schizophrenic. If she’s off her meds, and on the booze, she can’t be trusted with kitchen utensils.

“Chester has taken his pennies to Loblaw’s. They have a change machine that will convert them to bills and other change. Usually, he gives them to one of his French ladies. They donate them to C.H.E.O. (Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario). This time though, he needs the money.

“There was a guy hanging around this morning, snapping pictures of me. I said to him, ‘Hey, I didn’t give you permission to take my photo.’ He said, ‘Well, may I have your permission?’ I said, ‘No, but it’s a bit late now.’ I don’t want someone I don’t know walking around with pictures of me. It’s creepy.

“Outcast is pissed with me because I wouldn’t go with him yesterday afternoon. I said to him, ‘I distinctly remember you telling me that we were over, which seemed kind of ridiculous since we never started anything. Now, you’re pissed off because I don’t want to got to your girlfriend’s place, when she’s coming home at five o’clock?’

“I’m going to have to ask the guys to spring for some cash so I can get a bottle. I wonder what I’m going to have to do for that. Andre owes me money. Little Jake has owed me money for two years. I heard that yesterday Hippo was giving away twenties to everyone, but he didn’t give me anything.”

At noon, seated on the curb, were Andre, Little Jake, Joy, Silver and Hippo. Jake kept tipping over on his side. Andre said, “Jake, will you get up. I don’t want your nose in my ass.”

Joy said, “Jake, you stink. I’m moving away from here.” We moved closer to Silver and Hippo, Andre followed. Little Jake had passed out in the bushes.

“Silver,” I said, “I haven’t seen you in a while. You’ve lost weight.”

“Yeah, I have lost weight. I haven’t been eating enough. I’ve got an appointment with my doctor. I’m having problems with my stomach.”

Andre said, “I made twenty bucks yesterday. Do you want to know how?”

Joy said, “Andre, I’m sure we don’t want to hear about what you did to make twenty bucks. It’s probably disgusting.”

“No,” said Andre, “a guy bet me a twenty that I couldn’t do a one-handed hand stand and hold it for thirty seconds. I did it and that was after eight bottles. He paid me.”

Minutes later, three cops on bicycles stopped in front of us. They probably had a complaint about Jake. They kicked the bottom of his foot, trying to wake him. Joy walked over and told the cops that he has HIV and is very sick. Andre shook him and helped to get him standing and walking. Andre and Jake walked as far as Elgin Street, then sat on a low concrete wall.

The police came over again. The sergeant said, “Jake, do you have any place to go? You can’t stay here. How much could he have possibly drunk, this early in the day? What’s in the bottle, Jake? Hand it over.” He opened the lid and took a whiff, “That’s awful! Is that a Jakenator, beer mixed with sherry?”

Andre said, “You know him well.”

The sergeant said, “Write him up.” Andre, Chester and I moved away to the other side of the wall. Joy had walked across the street, to the Lord Elgin Hotel, to use the washroom. Andre, yelled, “Jake, will you learn to shut your mouth?”

Chester said to me, “They’re going to write him another ticket that he isn’t going to pay. That’s what they always do.”

I heard one of the cops mention, ‘Hope Recovery Centre’. I expect they’ve called for the paramedics to transport Jake to detox. I expect to see him back here tomorrow.

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.

bench

20 August 2012

The weather at noon was pleasant. Sitting in the shade, on a park bench, I met Sylvain and Serge. Neither of them ever has much to say, they are both French-speaking, and their knowledge of English is as limited as is my knowledge of French. Sylvain is rather gaunt and pale, while Serge looks like a gnarled Santa Claus. We always exchange greetings and I look forward to seeing them. I can depend on Serge being there, being Serge.

“Hello, Sylvain, Serge,” I said as I shook their hands. “It’s a beautiful afternoon. Are you enjoying the cooler weather, after the heat wave we had?”

Serge said, “Yes, It’s very nice, especially sitting here in the shade. How have you been? I haven’t seen you for a couple of days.”

“I’ve been sick with a cold.” I said. “That’s why I wasn’t here on Thursday or Friday. You haven’t fallen again have you?”

“No, I haven’t fallen.”

“I’m going to check to see who is at the park. I’ll see you on my way back.”

“See you.”

On the side-walk, where the benches used to be, sat Hippo, Little Jake and Andre.

“Hi Hippo,” I said, “how is it going with your application for housing?”

“It’s going good. This afternoon I get to see a few places and if everything works out I’ll be able to move September first.”

“That’s great,” I said. “do you have any idea of which neighborhood you will be moving to?”

“It’ll be somewhere in Vanier. I’m not sure where.”

“That sounds good. I’ve lived in Vanier. It’s just a short walk to downtown. There are lots of stores, good bus transportation.”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be a bachelor, but that’s big enough for me. It beats living behind a dumpster.”

“How have you been feeling?”

“I’m starting to feel better now, but I was sick all weekend with a summer cold.”

“There’s a lot of that going around. Jake had it, I had it.”

“Andre,” I asked, “how have you been feeling?”

“I wasn’t feeling so good this morning. The first sip I took, I started throwing up and coughing. When the Salvation Army Outreach Workers came around they asked, ‘Are you okay?’ I said, ‘No, I’m not okay, I’m coughing up a lung here.’ Getting all that phlegm out of my lungs felt good though. Back when I had my heart attack, I had double, walking pneumonia. It was like I had a rock in my chest, I could only take shallow breaths, or it would burn my lungs.

“I’ve had my first bottle now and I’m feeling great. It’s great being me.”

“That’s good,” I said, “because everyone else is taken.”

Emile said to a woman walking by, “Can I have a smile, please, just one. I’m sure you’d look even prettier if you smiled.” Some people walking around look so grouchy. Don’t they know, that if you want to be happy, you first have to act happy. Say, ‘Good morning,’ to people, smile, say, ‘have a nice day.’ I’m always happy. Even at the liquor store. Most of my friends get served once then they’re cut off for the rest of the day; not me. I go in with a smile on my face, say hello to the staff. When I’m at the check-out, I look the cashier in the eyes. And, I don’t steal; except this morning. There was only one employee there and she was doing something on the computer. I stuck a bottle in the inside pocket of my jacket, picked up another and paid for that at the cash.

“One time, I had just come out of the liquor store, and stopped to talk to some friends, who were drinking. A cop came by and made everyone dump their bottles. I said to him, ‘I just bought this. It isn’t even cracked.’ He said, ‘Yeah, but can you prove you bought it, and didn’t just steal it.’ I said, ‘I didn’t keep the receipt, why would I? What am I going to do return a used bottle of sherry because I didn’t like it? I bought it because I intended to drink it.’ I walked back into the store and spoke to the manager, the guy that served me. I told him the situation. He came out and said to the cop, ‘This gentleman bought and paid for a bottle of sherry. He refused the receipt, because he was on his way out and had no need for it. He’s a regular customer and he’s never stolen from this store. I’ve watched him.’ The cop let me keep the bottle.

“That’s a nice electric bike going by,” said Andre. “They cost over $800. My mother would never let me have a motor bike, not even an off-road one. My dad and brothers were race car drivers. If you want to know why I’m so crazy, you should see the rest of my family. All of us really like torque. Whatever we drive, we take it to the absolute limit. My dad rebuilt a Mustang and put a big Firebird engine in it. Everything had to be changed around to make the engine fit. When he first got it running, the hood wouldn’t close. So he could go for a test run, he got me to stand on the front bumper. He chained my feet so they wouldn’t slip, then he had me lie down on the hood. I grabbed onto the drip rails with my fingers. When he’d go a round a corner, he’d grab my wrist with one hand and shift with the other. This was on a gravel road, I’d be looking over the roof, feeling the car go one way, while the road behind was going another. I don’t know what speed we were going, but it was fast. I saw my life pass before my eyes. I was only eight years old, so it didn’t take very long. I hadn’t had much of a life to that point. He was a great guy, my dad. God bless his soul. (Emile made the sign of the Cross on his chest and looked up).

“My old man was crazy. He had this pickup truck, he got some sheet steel and welded it to the undercarriage. We didn’t know what he was up to, but it turned out that he was making a skid plate. He had the idea that he wanted to jump the neighbor’s fence with the pickup. He built sort of  a ramp leading up to the fence. Like I said, I didn’t know what he was up to, so when he started the truck I hopped in the back. There was no tailgate. I held onto the roll bar. All of a sudden, ‘whoosh’ we were airborne. He took out a whole section of the fence, but the skid plate kept any fence posts from coming through the floor, into the cab. The truck wasn’t damaged at all.

“Another time he had an old Bombardier snowmobile that he rebuilt with a bigger engine. He had leather straps around the hood. I’d never seen anything like that before. The straps, it turned out, were to hold his shotgun. He’d go moose hunting with that. He’d be cruising at full speed with one hand on the throttle, reloading the shotgun with the other. I saw him get a moose. He had just crested the top of a hill and was coming down, when he shot the moose in the back of the head. A perfect shot.

“We rented a house on eight acres of land. Back then, I think we were paying about one hundred dollars a month. My mother had a half-acre garden in the front of the house. Our neighbor’s cows were always getting loose, trampling and eating the leaves of the vegetables.

“My dad said to the neighbor, ‘My wife puts a lot of time and effort into planting and caring for that garden, she doesn’t appreciate your cows coming over and ruining it. The next time I see your cows stray, even one foot, into our yard, I’m taking one.’ Sure enough, it happened. Before we even knew what was happening my dad had that cow slaughtered, hung by chains from a beam in the garage, and was butchering it — cutting it into pieces. He had to go out and buy a twenty-five cubic foot freezer to hold that cow. The neighbor came over and said, ‘One of my cows is missing. You haven’t seen it have you?’ My dad said, “No, I haven’t, but you’re welcome to take a look around the property. It might be out there somewhere'”

Chester, Loretta and Joy arrived. They’d been on a run to the liquor store.Joy’s backpack was stuffed to the brim, probably with Chester’s beer. Chester’s cell phone rang. In his French accent he answered, “Hello? Yes he’s here.” He handed the phone to Hippo. “Hello, oh, he never gave anything to me. Okay, thanks.”

I asked, “Was that someone calling about your housing?”

“No, it was Loon. He said that he gave Animal ten bucks to give to me. He was checking to see if I got it. I told him that I didn’t get it.”

Mo said, “Yeah, if Loon gives money to someone to hold for someone else, he always follows up to see if they got it. I do the same. So when did he give Weasel the money?”

“Friday? This is Monday. Weasel is your friend, he lives with you guys. That’s just wrong to hold out on a friend. This morning he was off to pan at the church. There are women there who bring him food and clothes. He sells the clothes to the crackheads and buys more crack. Hippo, you’ve got to do something about this.”

Andre said, “Yeah, Hippo, stop being such a pussy. He’s half your size, you can take him. I’m half his size and, just last night, I didn’t like something he said, so I popped him one.”

Joy said, “I’ve hit him, when he’s gotten out of line.” He’s said, ‘I can’t hit you back because I’m not a woman beater.’ I said, ‘I dont fight like a woman, so you don’t have to worry on that score.”

“Yeah,” said Hippo, “I’ll do it soon. Right now I’m going to the Lord Elgin on a butt run.”

“You’re going on a butt run Now?” asked Andre incredulously.

“Well, I also have to take a dump. I’ve been trying to hold it in, but now I have to go.”

Hippo returned with his hand full of cigarette butts. He dumped them on the sidewalk in front of Andre. “Hippo, these are menthol. Haven’t you got any class?”

“It’s all they had,” he said. The Lord Elgin Hotel has sand ashtrays in their lobby. The cigarette butts are extinguished, but not crushed, like they would be in another type of ashtray.

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.

group3

.

24 July 2012

This morning  Joy was sitting in her usual spot. Sausage Fingers Shawn was leaning against the railing talking to her. Shawn was looking very dapper in his Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts. I couldn’t take my eyes off his tattoos that stretched from shoulder to wrist on both arms. The design was an intricate west coast Haida motif.

“Joy said, “I was surprised to see Hippo at six thirty, this morning. I asked him where he was going. He said, ‘To work!’ I’ve never seen him start that early before.”

I said, “I think that Andre had a talk with him.”

“I think so,” agreed Joy. “One morning he’d only made a quarter. He came across the street to bum a smoke. He saw a lady bending over his cap. He thought she’d made a drop, but she’d taken his quarter.”

“You’d think,” said Shawn, “that a person whose sole occupation was to collect money, would know enough to take care of it.”

Joy said,”I saw a guy this morning with two twenties hanging out of his back pocket. I shouted at him, but he didn’t hear me.”

“When I was in Israel,” said Shawn I saw a number of people with wallets half out of their back pockets. I was walking with a friend and he saw a twenty on the ground. He bent down to pick it up and a guy yelled at him, ‘That’s mine, it’s there for a reason.’ My friend said, ‘Okay,’ and backed off. I guess it was part of a sting operation to catch pickpockets. The guy you saw this morning was probably there to lure pickpockets. You don’t see it too much here, but in Montreal and New York there are guys who are so smooth they can grab your wallet and watch without you knowing it. I know, it happened to me. That’s why I don’t wear a watch.”

I said, “Did you notice that we have our benches back in the park?”

“Yeah,” said Joy, “I watched them putting them in. I said to one of the workmen, ‘You could have wiped them off before you reinstalled them. One of them has pigeon shit on it already.’ He said, ‘Sorry ma’am, we don’t wipe benches.’ Why would they? We’re just skids.

“There’s one that you have to be careful of. It’s not securely fastened to the base. If you lean back too far, you could end up in the bushes.”

I asked Joy, “Did you speak to the housing people from the Salvation Army yesterday?”

“No, I left early.”

Chester stopped by. Joy said, “Okay people, I’m too popular. I’ve only made four bucks this morning. I don’t know what happened to my money. When I got home last night all I had was a quarter.”

I decided to leave to let Joy get on with her panning. “I’ll see you at noon, Joy. Bye, Shawn, Chester.”

At the benches today were Hippo, Shakes and Andre. How’s everyone doing?” I asked.

Hippo said, “I made a buck twenty-five and I started work at six thirty this morning.”

Andre said, “I made the price of a bottle and lent Joy three dollars and change so she could buy a bottle. It’s the first time I know of that Joy’s had to borrow money to buy a bottle. On top of that, I got a sixty-five buck ticket for panhandling. I saw the cop coming, so I scooped the change out of my cap. He pulled up at the curb and asked me what I was doing. I said, ‘Officer, I’m just eating my breakfast and drinking my coffee. He said, ‘Why is your hat out?’ I said, ‘My mother brought me up in a Christian house and insisted that we always remove our hats before eating.’ He said, ‘I’m going to write you a ticket for panhandling. What’s your address?’ I said, ‘I’m not panhandling, officer. There’s no money in my cap. I’m homeless, I have no fixed address, but I’m staying at dumpster number two behind Starbucks.’ He said, ‘You’re not going to pay this ticket are you?’ I said, ‘No sir, I’ll probably use it as a fire starter for my barbecue.”

Shakes had gone to the hotel to use the bathroom. When he returned he said, ‘Dennis, see these pants? Yesterday they were white, then someone gave me a plate of roast beef and gravy.”

Andre said, “Yeah, Shakes ate all the roast beef and what gravy he didn’t spill all over himself, he gave to me. I love that dark chicken gravy, but it doesn’t agree with me. I had the shits and the farts all night. I was wearing this same tee shirt. See, no gravy stains, it all went in my beard.

“Weasel and Little Jake were both being assholes. Weasel kept calling me a goof and Jake backed him up. With the back of my hand I hit them both with one swat. Weasel said it again, so I got him in a headlock and let my elbow do the rest.”

I said, “I remember the video of you on YouTube – St Patrick bar fights 2010. I saw that you used some karate moves.”

“I know karate, tai kwon do, tai chi. I use them all. That video was taken at the Foggy Dew. There was a line up to get in, so I was panning the line. I think I must have made four hundred that night. There was one asshole in line that was making trouble for everyone. He was loud and swearing. I went up to him and said, ‘There are ladies here, they shouldn’t have to put up with language like that.’ He took a swing at me and missed. I knocked him down four times before he stayed down.

“The owner called me over. I thought I was in big trouble then. He said, ‘I saw what you did. That guy has been causing us trouble all evening. We’ve got a V.I.P. area inside and I’d like you to be my guest. Just stick your hand up when you want a drink. It’s all on the house.’ ”

Shakes said, “We should have gone to that club we were invited to by the guy from the Jazz’n Blues Festival.”

“Yeah,” agreed Andre, “the vodka got in the way. A guy named Rob, a friend of mine who just got out of jail, swiped two bottles of vodka from the liquor store. That’s funny, Rob robbed the liquor store. Anyway, we started on the vodka. I had a couple of seven point one per cent beers, then Rob brought out a bottle of Captain Morgan. I don’t know how I rode my bike back that night.”

Shakes said, “I don’t know how I walked to my daughter’s house that night.”

Andre said, “It reminds me of a time a buddy and I were driving past a beer store in his pickup. There was a semi backed up to the loading dock, but the store was closed. I guess the driver arrived too late to unload. There was just enough room for me to squeeze between the truck and the dock. I jimmied the lock and couldn’t believe my eyes – wall to wall beer. We filled the pickup with all it could hold. I think we had twenty-seven two-fours. We were tempted to unload and go back again, but you never return to the scene of the crime. We sure had a party though.”

Shakes said, “If you get greedy, that’s when you get pinched.”

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