Archive for October 2, 2014




2 October 2014

“Good morning, Chuck. That wind is cold.”

“Yeah, I was fooled yesterday so I wore everything today.”

“How was yesterday?”

“Oh, it was okay. I stayed here until 12:30. I was going to do some shopping, but I was too tired. Wait a minute, that was the day before. Yesterday, I had to go to the Metro to get some cleaning supplies. I also got some of those five dollar meals, and for seven dollars I got a big container of scalloped potatoes. Those were really good. I had two helpings. My cleaning lady came over at 2:00 and that was about it. I was in bed by 6:30. I was up at 11:30 to take Goldie for her walk. It was cold then. That’s how I knew to dress warmly today.

“Dis I tell you about Mrs. Murphy and Mrs McGillicuddy? I must have told you. No? Okay, Mrs Murphy got a telephone call from her doctor. He said, ‘Mrs Murphy it’s time for your annual check up. When you come in,  bring a urine sample with you.’ Mrs. Murphy looked perplexed. She asked her husband, ‘I’m to bring in a urine specimen. What is a urine specimen.’ Her husband said, ‘I don’t know, woman. Ask Mrs. McGillicuddy.’ Mrs Murphy said, “You know that Mrs. McGillicuddy and I don’t get along.’ Her husband said, “Just ask her a civil question and she’ll give you a civil answer.’ ‘Okay’ she said, ‘I’ll try it. Twenty minutes went by and Mrs. Murphy cam home all disheveled, with a bleeding nose and her glasses twisted. Her husband said, “What happened, woman?’ Mrs Murphy said, ‘I did what you told me. I asked her a civil question, what is a urine specimen?’ She said, ‘Go piss in a pot.’ I said, ‘Shit in your hat.’ Then all hell broke loose.

“What is it about women and headaches?’ My ex-wife always used to have headaches. I’ve never had a headache. I was visiting my sister in hospital, when she had cancer. I said, ‘Sis, I’ve still never had a headache and I’ve never had piles — no brains and a perfect asshole.’ She really broke up when I told her that.”